Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Introducing: Galt's Grub!

Well, not really. jsut after weeks of off again-on again yogurt night stocking, I have a few things that I would really like to have made, but have no incentive to even whip up in photoshop, let alone cook.

Item number 1:
Blackberry Bacon Jihad
Basically a swirly blackberry and vanilla yogurt, with little genuine bacon bits interspersed with the berries.
Besides, the name is guaranteed to aggravate somebody. Sorry to my Jewish friends; it cannot be marked with a magic "Circle K."
Unitarians should be alright, though.

Item number 2:
Ugly American Cheese
it will be 100% all natural and organic, and only be sold in clumps, wrapped in recycled wax paper tied with Jute twine (PJ O'Rourke- its St. Pats and I found a use for that jute crap!)

Item Number Three:
(Should be number 1 in importance!)
Fresh roasted Jamaican Blue Mound Coffee, packaged in depleted-uranium cans (Dark Roast,) Polished Titanium Nitrided cans (Medium Roast,) or cans made of burnt up automobiles (Angry French Youth Roast.)

Number 4:
BallisTex-Mex Chili Seasoning
Gunpowder, Ground Roast Anchos, and 2% of either OC flavoring or ground roast Chocolate Habaneros.

Number 5:
Mrs. Clusterf%^k's Buttery Syrup
Maple flavored-comes in a cankled Secretary-of-State shaped bottle (and NO I don't mean Condi.)
Prune-flavored-comes in a FORMER Secretary-of-State Shaped bottle (Extra wrinkly & ineffective, so STILL not Condi.)

Item #6:
Clinton & Quagmire's Ice Cream
Giggity, giggity. You don't want to know.
One flavor, Banana Intern Delight.

Ok, I think I'm done being 12 years old for now. Off to watch Punisher:War Zone again.

1 comment:

Political Common Sense said...

Dude, That was one of the funniest things I have read in a LOOOOOONG time. I do however, want to know what the hot Condi flavor actually is. Be 12 dude, it suits you!

and that wasn't meant as a bad thing; hell, maybe I am looking up to my older brother!